i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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