We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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