first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
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