dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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