K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
