i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Randomize
