I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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