Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
