cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
