I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize
