how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
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