I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
