I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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