he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
