16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
