she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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