On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
My nipple is on Facebook.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
