the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
