drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
