My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
