New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
You pole danced in your parka.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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