You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
So squirting runs in the family.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
