I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
