Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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