I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
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