I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I forget how to act sober
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
