We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
