Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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