I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
party gras won. party gras always wins.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Can I color on your dick again?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
