forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
