Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize