If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
