Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
