..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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