I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
