The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
