I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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