That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
