I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
