He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
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