Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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