I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
