I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize