she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
