Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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