Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
