then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
