too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
