Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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