I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
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