i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Randomize