You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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