He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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