Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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