So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
