it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
and i looked up. we had an audience...
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Randomize