Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
