So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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