fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
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