I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
