And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
