yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
