I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
