how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
