Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
