a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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